after all this time

all of us are trying to fit into the society, we are all trying to be someone who is demanded by our environment, people around us, there are certain characteristics that we have to stick to, we can not just simply "be", there are rules and regulation that specifies the "be".. meaning to say, "life" is not "I" alone, life is made up of "YOU" and "I"..yup, "life" is made up of "we"..

but sometime, in our effort to become a person that is socially acceptable in the society that we dwell in, we tend to forget that, the "someone" whom we TRY to become is not really someone whom we WANT to become..

ok, i am not saying that, just follow our head, forget what people say and just be what you want, thief? beggar? rockstars? name it.. dont get me wrong,..

really, there are lots of things out there that do not seem to fit our mind, yet we have to accept it just the way it is, life does not promise us love and happiness all the time, in fact, tears and sorrow are the thing that one will get once he or she purchases 'life' ..it is thing that we can not runaway from..

back to the thing that i want to say,.
sometime, we tend to be hypocrite, in order to satisfy or please those around us, we opt to be someone that we dont like, we acquire this alien character that is totally not us, i am just pointing..

1. why cant we just be true about ourselves?
2. not to show our the mean side of us, but, to enjoy life without the feeling of restriction.
3. we often show the real us when we are in trouble, or real life situation, in a state of wanting something so badly.


maybe its a thing for us to ponder..

..cukuplah Allah bagiku..

...Allah pemberi cahaya kepada langit dan bumi, perumpamaan cahaya Allah adalah seperti lubang yang tak tembus yang di dalamnya ada pelita besar,pelita itu di dalam kaca dan kaca itu seakan bintang yang bercahaya seperti mutiara, yang dinyalakan dengan minyak dari pohon yang banyak barkahnya, yaitu pohon zaitun yang tumbuh disebelah timur dan bukan disebelah barat. yang minyaknya saja hampir-hampir menerangi walaupun tidak disentuh api. cahaya dI atas cahaya..ALLAH MEMBIMBING KE ARAH CAHAYANYA SESIAPA YANG DIA KEHENDAKI, DAN ALLAH MEMBUAT PERUMPAMAAN BAGI MANUSIA, DAN ALLAH MAHA MENGETAHUI..

Yang selalu ada di saat aku hampir putus harapan..

yang selalu menggembirakanku saat aku kesedihan..

yang selalu menemaniku saat aku keseorangan..

yang selalu ada..

ya Lathif..

ya Wahab..

irhamna ya ALLAh..
faghfirlana Ya ALLAH..

...thanks for the dinner..^-^

this night, we had our dinner in four points..
i was having fun with all the food of course,
to make the thing simple and clear..

guests: pengarah, madam angie, madam so, mr. sanjan..
food: a lot..dont know which one to mention
purpose: don know, maybe because, madam think we have to spend the money that debaters have won=p
venue: four points
agenda: eat..eat..eat!


i ate a lot.. i am full know, and its hard to sleep with my stomach full..

thats all, bukan la mau kasi jeles kan but..
ya, it was a nice gathering.

p/s: for riby,k.tia,k.cua,k.ateh..sorilah..saya xdapat tapau untuk kamu2 smua..
saya segan..huhu..memang xbley tapau pun sbenarnya, tapi..i was trying(sudalah..tido la bha..zzz) owh ya.. ok

(**,)

..izinkan aku pergi..

My mak said, once we have done something, and we thing we did not really give our best for it, just pandang depan..

but then, My Mak also said, i am a gud daughter..that, i have to know what to do..

as far as i can remember, i've always been the most lawak one in the family, i am not matured compared to my lil sis..but then, i am a garang kakak as well, it depends on situation..

i have a split personality kot, not that worst la, an intermediate one..

but, mak said its fine,.

one thing that i owez bear in mind is,

mak said like this..

when you start a new thing in your life, there will be no guarantee that everything will be just fine..
but then, its worth to try, you will never know what is there for you,
second time trial, is slightly harder than the first one,

but mak said that, i dont have to worry,,

Allah already knows my limit and ability..

that, i dont have to worry,.

ok,,

i wana slip..

Mak said..

she loves all her children..

so, even if,, sometime,. i feel..alone..

its not true,

i have Allah,
my family,
frens,


and its enough for me,.,

Alhamdulillah...
^-^

THINGS THAT WE MISS

i am going to be 19, it is so sayang to leave this "teen" years actually, but what to do also, we can not hold the time back, once it say, its tyme to board, there you go, aa..the topic, actually o dont know whether this is related or not, but maybe this is somehting for us to consider,
the first day i move out form my previous room which i have stayed there for 2 years,
i felt so so sad..sadness that i cant bear alone, i even thought of moving in back..

the room that i stay now is situated in the 3rd floor,
considering that i have to walk extra two floors to reach my new room, my tears even run faster.. i was thinking that if i din stop crying, my eyeballs may have pop out..
another thing, i have just change my table's cover..with some wrapping paper that is really cute!! i tell u..huhu..

but, the most important thing is, i will surely miss the environment, the atmosphere, the people and friendly figure there..

i will surely miss..

Ja calling me for late night tea..
Sue teasing me about taking hot water from their room..

i will surely miss..

Fatin's little Bu..a cow that i adore..
Atie's giggle..

i will surely miss..
Nasira's not so sweet voice,
Wani's song along the corridor..

i will surely miss, zatul, azrin, kak Ateh, and everyone..

not to forget.. i will also miss the ironing room, the toilet and everything..

but, i cant be this weak! i have to grow strong, there is something behind all these that i have yet to discover..
i have to make my mind clear, that, there is a reason for everything..
God communicates HIS love through various ways..
i just have to believe that, Yeah! this is the best for me..

i tried hard to make my mind clear,
i cant hold my tears, i cried during science test,
i was so,, i dont know., just sad

but one thing happened,
it was raining cat and dog,
i was afraid.,the rumor is true, people of the third floor often face the extreme weather..huhu..
then, there was a knock on the door..
Kak cua!
another knock..
Riby
forget to say, Ati is already there by that time..

we had a chat,okayla.. to be frank..
a tumbler of tea..
several container of biscuits..
two packets of PAMA..
and Riby's punya adik muvi,
i was having fun..
really happy at that time..

^-^

ya..things are not as bad as they seem..

live and let it be..

i love my room now,
i have more space, i can also see a very nice view from my window..
and most importantly,
i learn to appreciate more the things that i often miss..
insyaAllah..i will try to be more patient and mature next time..
uhu..ya la.. in fact, i have no other choice what..

ITS TIME TO BOARD!

P/S: for you,
a person that i regard as the best friend,
always there for support, telling me Allah's words and remind me to be patient..
Thank you so so much.. for everything, may Allah bless you always..^-^

i am so sorry(T.T)

i understand that i annoy you guys sumtime,
but, i never really mean so,
i cant just help it sometime,
i wanna apologize to all my friends out there..

having you guys in my life, is a blessing..

there are something about ourselves that we might not like..
nevertheless, most of the time, we just can not resist it,
no one in this world is perfect, in fact,
i often think that, being fallible creates an inner strength in humans..
in which, it creates a feeling of, hoping, relying and love towards the most Eternal..

lately,
i notice that, something has really changed in me, somehow..
i cant help it,
i am very333 sorry to those who get affected by this,
but, i will try my best to cope with it..

please, give me some times, space and..
understanding,

i am so sorry..
i never want it to be this way,
sorry for making things hard,
sorry for making things complicated..
given a chance, i wanna be better..
but,
its hard..

maybe i just need some time..
in fact,
i wanna be the most happiest women..
insyaALLah..
^-^

muhasabah cintaku

Muhasabah Cinta
Album :
Munsyid : EdCoustic
http://liriknasyid.com


Wahai... Pemilik nyawaku
Betapa lemah diriku ini
Berat ujian dariMu
Kupasrahkan semua padaMu

Tuhan... Baru ku sadar
Indah nikmat sehat itu
Tak pandai aku bersyukur
Kini kuharapkan cintaMu

Reff. :
Kata-kata cinta terucap indah
Mengalun berzikir di kidung doaku
Sakit yang kurasa biar jadi penawar dosaku
Butir-butir cinta air mataku
Teringat semua yang Kau beri untukku
Ampuni khilaf dan salah selama ini
Ya ilahi....
Muhasabah cintaku...

Tuhan... Kuatkan aku
Lindungiku dari putus asa
Jika ku harus mati
Pertemukan aku denganMu

insan yang kukasihi kerana ALLAH

saja ja mau tulis ni...relez tensen..huhu

Khas untuk insan yang kukasihi kerana Allah,
Aku memohon seribu kemaafan kerana tak mampu menghargai, menghormati dan menerimamu, sebagaimana yang kau inginkan,
Mungkin kita dipertemukan kerana,
Allah ingin mendidik kita berdua agar menjadi lebih sabar dan redha terhadap segala ketentuanNya
Mengenalimu,
Aku mula faham nilai sebuah ukhuwah,
Betapa ia payah untuk diperjuangkan..

Mengenalimu,
Aku menjadi sedar, betapa lemah dan kerdilnya diriku ini,
Aku sedar kekuranganku,
Aku sebenarnya tidak mempunyai kekuatan untuk berdiri teguh,

Terima kasih ya Allah..
Kerana mempertemukan kami,
Aku menjadi lebih bergantung harap denganMU
Dan aku dapat merasakan betapa aku tidak mempunyai apapun melainkan apa yang Kau berikan..

Terima kasih ya Allah,
Kerana mempertemukan kami.
Di atas nikmat sakit dan buntu,
Di atas rahmat sabar dan redha..
Membuatkan sujudku terasa lebih bererti..
Airmataku terasa lebih berharga,

Wahai insan yang kukasihi kerana Allah..
Aku harap kau mengerti,
Aku Cuma insan biasa, yang serba kekurangan,
Aku mengharapkanmu untuk melengkapi diriku,
Kiranya sangkaanku silap..
Caraku salah di matamu..

Aku kesali..

Semoga kau sentiasa bahagia,
Disamping insan2 yang mengasihimu,
Semoga kau dipertemukan dengan hasanah..
Insan2 yang dapat menjagamu..mengasihi..dan menghormatimu..
Lebih baik dari diriku..
Maafkan silap dan salahku..
Wahai insan yang kukasihi kerana Allah.

gonna talk about "surah ibrahim"

this morning i wake up late?(5.45)
i mean compared to my usual routine..
after subuh prayer, i reach my tafsir quran and recite it..
i usually do not have time to read the meaning of the ayah, but then, i was interested to know the meaning when i come across ayah 24 from the surah.. it says..

..the comparison of a good words likewise a healthy tree, the root grows strong under the earth and the trunks grow high reaching the sky, it gives fruits all the time by Allah's will,..

later in the surah,..it says

..while the comparison of a bad words is like an unhealthy tree, the root is already plucked and it can not even stand..

in these two ayah..Allah made a comparison of words with a tree..
but why tree?

the significance here is that, tree is really benificial to humans, every part of the tree is very useful for humans living..
the root, the leaves, the fruits, the trunks,,
therefore, this ayah actually explains to us how important it is to practice or use good words in our life, whereby, it does not only benifits the speaker, but also the listener..

whereas, saying bad words like lewd, curse, remarks are not only hurt people,
but portray the immorality that the speakers practice..

subhanallah..

subhanallah,.

in any condition in life, we have to be patient and redha..
in fact, we have nothing in the first place, and its Allah who gives us hope, happiness, wealth, health and everything..

la haula,wala quwwata illa billa..
=)

its all about respect, understanding, and love..

dont you ever think that you will be respected, understood and loved if you yourself are unable to show these values towards others..

respected,
everyone need space for his and herself.
respecting others mean, we acknowledge their existence and percieve others as human per se
listen to what they want to say,
and respond whenever it is necessary..
it goes two ways..
i respect you..
you have to respect me as well,
so that..
it will become a mutual relationship..
if any of us made a mistake,,
we should say sorry...

remember..
saying sorry does not stain the pride of a person..
rather, giving forgiveness, portrays the nobility of heart..

on understanding..
its about..

ermm..
u dont really know y people behave in certain way..
but, i hold to one basic principle..
everyone deserves our time and attention..

time can not be given though, but it can be shared,,
understanding is,
you try to compromise, try to empathize others..

on love..
love is contagious..
it is everything that you ever need to be happy..
to be able to make others happy..
love is all about what i mention above..


love cures our pain..
shed our tears..
cheer us up,.
and in fact,,
i often think that,
love makes us stronger..
stronger for ourselves and people that we love and care for..

when you love,
then you will try to understand..

when you understand..it shows that you respect..

are they important?

maybe you can sit, relax and think about the following Q:

who are the most important person in your life?

what is the most important thing in your life?

what is the greatest achievement in your life?

what is the simplest thing in your life, yet gives a really big implication in you?

why do you love your life?

why are you here?

why are you happy? or why are you not happy?

erm.. the answer can be simple, but thinking about all these questions, one might not has the fix or certain response for the Q.
obviousely, the nature of most human being are, we love to take things for granted, it is hard for us to be thankful, there are always thing that beyond our reach yet we really want. there are things that we desire, and things that we already have, but does not seem to give us much effect, hence we tend to neglect, ignore, insensitive, apathy..

no one will get all the thing he or she wants.
satisfaction or happiness in one's soul..
do not rely on the extend of getting everything that comes across our mind..

..God will never change the fate of humans until they themselves change whatever that they have in them..the holy Quran

as for me,,

when i satrt to think, my life start to get better and i am happily dwelling in it, as if nothing bas is gonna happen.. my smiles start to fade,.

i think i am ofeten tested with the people who i spent most of my tyme with, or the person that i am closed to, care for and people that i love..

and it was such a big hit that recently, i heard this bad news about those people i care for, althought the problem affect me as well, but it was not as directly as the effect that they have to bear..
i can cry, or mourn, or, regret or,, dwell with sadness..

but i know,

it will not give me any good..
rather ruins me..
and hurt them(the people i love) more..

so..
i have no choice..

i choose to be strong to be able to protect the people i love..

to be able to keep my head up high,
because..
i have faith in Allah..
He is always there..

my mom once said..
i am too naive(lurus kot)
too innocent..

but,,
i cant help it,
i am afraid that, i will experience culture shock once i emerge from this innocent cacoon..

^_^

but, its no big deal..

i wanna be the most happiest women..
my best fren gave me a book that really inspires me..

so..
i would like to thank them both,

Mohd Alif.. for his book "motivasi menjadi wanita paling bahagia"

Nurfilza..for her book" Siti Khadijah; cinta abadi kekasih nabi"

and..

for kak tiah..
although you never give me any book=p

thank for being a very understanding kakak, friend, pet and ha ha..

Alhamdulillah..

i think i have a weirdo frenzo..huhu

what do u expect?emm...i have a unique and different friend, well, i am not trying to raise an issue or gain publicity or something, i just wana share.. this fren of mine really is a weirdo, y?? because she is weird..she watches movie all day long and after tired of watching she will play computer game, what i am trying to say is, whe does not like.. have any other significant thing to do, in fact she is just too relax.. i think weird fren mathces me coz, i am weird too. what else, ya.. she does not even bother to go out to take her meal, erm.. she rarely is in the mood of eating, she once tole me that, she does not wanna eat, but she has to, that is why, she was sort of forced to take her regular meal. emm..whatelse is there to share, this fren of mine is bachelor earner physcological medication; know why, she is i cna say, she thinks she is pro in certaina area thta she resist to listen to any other people opinion except herself. this fren of mine, laugh over so not funny think, but later, i begin to elarn that laughing was just simply her hobby..huhu..looks like i have to stop now, she is watching me typing,,huhu..daaa