Its the climb~

Its not how fast or how slow..

Its the climb..

"Allah tidak mengubah nasib sesuatu kamu, sehingga mereka mengubah apa yang ada dalam diri mereka"

Just come up~

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious and The Most Merciful~


I have just emerged from a long sleep, the feeling of head ache + flew and inconvenience at heart, saddens my early morning..

Ma'thurat: remedy for the soul~

I din notice that I have somewhat, grew apart from it. (Ya Allah, berilah kekuatan dan keteguhan)

ukhuwah: pengikat hati

when was the last time we prayed jamaah? I miss those moment and I want it again. (Ya Allah.. Jangan Kau palingkan hati kami, setelah Engkau beri kami petunjuk)

Bicara: perungkai resah

I cant recall, when was the last time we sit and talk together..

................................................


This thought just come up this morning, reminisce back to the past, makes me reflect of what I have done, making me ending up in this path.. this very day..

terrible stomach ache

My last night at home was unforgettable. It was a calm, peaceful evening. My friends came to my house to bid me farewell before I flew to New Zealand. We were talking and reminiscing our past. haha... The good old days.. My heart whisper..

My stomach was grumbling. I can feel the pain all over my body. I have never feel like this before. I press my stomach hard, trying to stay still. Finally, I collapse..

My mom was next to me, giving me some massage. I feel terribly ill. I was already thinking of canceling my flight to NZ the next day. I can feel extremely cold at my palm and feet. My sisters covered me with 3 layers of comforter, but it felt nothing. I felt extremely cold.

I muted. Tears running fast on my cheek. My mom was really panicked. My father suggested that we went to the hospital. I was thinking, the hospital is 45 minutes ride from my house. I might have been dead standing the pain on the journey there. I refused to go. Slightest move of any part of my body causes me utter pain.

I cant remember how long I cried and call up my mom every time the stabbing pain came to my stomach. I already missed my Maghreb prayer. My grandmother came to our house and gave me treated me. I was given a massage at the stomach. given some "air penawar",..

Alhamdulillah..

I felt relief.. The pain has gone away, but I still had some dizziness.. I cant stand for long, or else I'll collapse.

mum asked.. "are you hungry?"
then I realize,.. "ya, I am"

mom prepared some porridge for me. I was sitting on the living room. eating my porridge. Mom was sitting next to me. Everyone else had been sleeping. I intended to spare that night for packing. but, ya.. Its our job to plan, But God's job to decide..

I cant really stand well yet, however, considering that I havent prayed, I stand on my feet and try to take wudhuk..
I asked mum to go upstairs first, she mush have been tired. but mom said..

"I cant go upstairs while you are still here".. I said, "its ok mum, I'll manage"

I prayed maghrib and Isyak, sitting. I was standing at first, but the feeling of nausea attacked me. after prayer, I glanced at my phone and someone has been calling. I checked the dial register and I saw the name. Smiling.. I texted the caller saying "yes..may I help you?"

....................................................

That was my story. I love Pa. I love Ma. I love Abg Kudin. I love Abang Pong. I love DIba. I love Apik. I love Ita. And I am terribly, missing you guys.........

It is not as easy as that~

In the name of Allah, the most gracious and the most merciful~

Alhamdulillah..

There goes the TESOL assignment!
Tawakkaltu 'alallah~

....

I have come out with a board+card game.. It was a lot of effort, but it was in fact, a great satisfaction. For being able to do things that I have wanted to, and see things that once was just at the back in your mind, is now in front of your eyes!

Assignment week has been dreary! Assignment in its unique way is always successful to make my life appear as if, I am a male bachelor looking for spouse. My room turns to be in it critical point when it comes to busyness of the assignment..






The moment I handed in my assignment to the receptionist, I felt such a great relief.. Finally! Heading home, I took a glanced at the Leith river and saw the strong tide, a dark colored water flowing through Leith river. It has not been friendly lately, I remembered when I had my chicken pox, clock tower and the Leith river were so gregarious to give me company every evening.

Can't sleep~

I tried to close my eyes but something kept on bordering my mind. I am very tired because I did not get enough sleep last night. However, I cant force myself to sleep despite the conducive environment for sleeping, I failed to sleep.

I tidy up my room~
and after a somewhat satisfactory condition, I decided to write something..








Looking forward to start the next task due. Maybe tonight is not the right time to start yet. I started of thinking that I have a lot of thing to write, but I ended up writing nothing..(macam cakap ngan manusia la plak kan, bley blur2)

I am hoping for the best for the assignments that I have handed in..
InsyaAllah..
Ameen..

Thats all for now, till then..


_sungguh, tak layak ke syurgaNya, tapi tak sanggup kenerakaNya_

~ Everyone is being tested in different ways..~

Ada yang diuji dengan kesenangan,
Ada yang diuji dengan kepayahan,
Ada yang diuji dengan kecantikan,
Ada yang diuji dengan kekurangan,
Ada yang di uji dengan kemudahan,
Ada yang di uji dengan kesusahan,
Jika kau di uji dengan sesuatu yang manyakitkan hatimu,
Melemahkan semangatmu,
Menggugurkan air matamu,
Meruntun jiwamu,
Maka yang lain pasti akan di uji dengan tahap dan keupayaan sendiri,
Bukan kau saja yang perlu untuk menangis,
Bukan kau saja yang melihat sisi gelap dunia,
Bukan kau sahaja yang mengharung payah,
Ujian dan mehnah, adalah tarbiyah dari Allah..
Agar kau sedar akan silapmu,
Agar kau segera menjahit sejadah imanmu yang carik,
Ujian dan mehnah, adalah isyarat cinta dari Allah,
Agar kau tahu tahap imanmu,
Agar kau selalu dekat denganNya,
Ujian dan mehnah adalah harga syurga Allah,
Agar kau jadi lebih menghargai,
Agar kau tahu nilai Firdausi..
::jangan kau menyangka, kau akan dibiarkan mengaku beriman, sebelum masa engkau di uji::
Kerana Iman itu adalah kepercayaan,
dari Iman datangnya kekuatan,
dari Iman datangnya persandaran,
dari iman datangnya ketenangan..
Iman menyusur di segenap hatimu,
Menjadikan kau lebih tabah dan redha,
Iman menjadi makanan jiwamu,
Pengukuh cintamu pada Allah..
Iman lahir dari syahadah..
Bukti pengabdian seorang hamba..
Hidup ini hanya persinggahan,
Penuhkan layarmu dengan amalan,
Jangan biarkan layarmu karam dengan muatan duniawi,
Yang kau tahu,
Kekalnya tidak di sana..
Gantunglah harapmu kepada Allah,
Agar cintamu merendang ke syurgawi,
Didiklah hatimu mendengar isyarat cinta Allah..
Dalam kepayahan, tangisan, dan kesusahan..
Sungguh, tak layak ke SyurgaNya,
Tapi tak sanggup ke nerakaNya..
..Tuntun langkahku Tuhan..
_SyauQah_Wardah9089_

addicted~

By the name of the Lord, the Most Gracious and the Most Merciful..

It was windy when we finally finish our FILM class. I was really exhausted, really, really exhausted, hungry, tired, sleepy and all the possible adjectives that indicate "saturation". I might have just fainted. All the time when I was in the classroom, I was thinking about having a warm water bath and dig myself on my bed until Subuh... But, I changed my plan. simply because, it does not sound "professional" enough.. (sorry..but..well..erm..who cares??!!..huhu~)


So, here I am again, with my baby blue..

wah3~.. I have to do something.. I am addicted with blogging..~

I get my facebook deactivated this afternoon, Its boooorinnngg...!

These following 3 weeks would really be tough, portfolio, seminar, exam, and dinner..
I am planning to do movie marathon this winter, yea! (hip..hip..horey!)

During science class just now, Steve, our enthusiastic lecturer mentioned something that really shake my shoulder.. All this while, I kept telling myself that, I am not yet capable of being a good teacher. I am not ready yet to teach, there are still a lot there to learn.. Steve said;

"when you become a teacher, anything that happen to you should stop at the school gate, You have to give a good reason for yourself and the children that you are responsible for that they want to be in the classroom.."

what came to me was... This is the moment of truth..

It will not be easy, I have chosen this path as my way of life..
there is no turning back, I dont want to become a lazy, unmotivated teacher..
I want to fill my life with enthusiasm of teaching.. I want to give the best for my students.. Just as how I have ever wanted to be taught..

There is still time to learn.. Guide us ya Allah..

InsyaAllah.. I will find my way..

grumbling stomach~

gudness.. I am so so hungry, havent felt like this for quite a long time, waiting for fatin, my housemate to prepare the dinner. I can already smell the scent of Tomyam..nyummy! I requested for curry, but she said she has been cooking it like forever.. But, I love Fatin's curry..

that's all for now.. :)
one more assignment due this friday..
got to really really pull our socks now!
ganbatte.. ganbaru.. gan..gan..(Whatever!..hee...)

_Sungguh, Tak layak ke SyurgaNya, tapi tak sanggup ke NerakaNya..Irhamna Ya Allah_

This might not be the right time~

In the name of Allah, the most gracious, the most merciful~

Ecstatic..Alhamdulillah..

here I am, in the middle of the night, siting alone in the dark facing my "baby blue".
It is a great relief that I have finally made my way toward the completion of my English assignment. It was quite a challenging task, the last time i wrote a long essay was 4 months ago. A 3000 words essay for Madam Ruth's subject. this one is just 1800.. yea.. but, still.. 800 extra words to think about!

This might not be the right time to "write" but I cant help myself. I have another urge of vomiting my thought into words so I can see the letters dancing in front of my eyes... Just for pleasure's sake~

Maori, Malay, the struggle

I understand just exactly about the current dispute that overwhelmed the Maoris people of NZ. Maybe, it will be unfair for a newcomers like me to say so, but.. its enough that I say, we are in the same boat..

I really think that Malaysia and New Zealand share a lot of things in common; the culture, the society and the education. We are blessed with multiracial, or in NZ's case, bi-cultural society. Essentially, not being a mono-cultural community is both a blessing and a curse. It is really much depending on how our people perceive, think and value the situation.

first thing first~

We in Malaysia faces twofold of what the people of NZ face. meaning to say, in NZ, there are only two main community; the Maori and the Pakeha. In Malaysia on the other hand, we have to cater the needs of the 3 main races; the Malays, the Chinese, the Indians alongside the indigenous people of Sabah and Sarawak.

We crept for the lose of integrity that the people of the land use to have. We are aware of the condition and right of the people of the land that seem to be left out. we mourn to the fact that our children may not be given equal share of the land's fertility. We lamented to the position of the people of the land, despite being the rightful owner of the soil, are far left behind in many aspects.

These concerns fuel our effort to struggle..

I am just thinking that, ya..its true that the government should take a great responsibility and take note of what the people of the land have to say. Not as the symbol of their specialty, but this is due to the sense of humanity. That regardless who we are, we share something in common; we want the best for everything.

however, it is also important to note that, the struggle for a better education does not rely on one side alone, rather, it is a responsibility that has to be shouldered by everyone. My point is, I am amazed with Maori's people upbringing. They are nurtured to have the full respect to the land, forest and the water. They grow together with the earth and hence create a strong bond with their environment. As a person, I see this as a great potential for learning. Regardless what the race are, children share one thing in common when it comes to education. They want to be engaged, appreciated and acknowledged.I think, the way one is uprooted should be the motivation for him or her to bounce and soar even higher, not something that should hold you back.

Education serves as the meant to prepare everyone for the real life. It is in fact, a formal medium of learning. Apart from what they learn informally, schools aid them to foster their individual development as a child and guide them to see their path to the future clearer. I noticed that, it is not what is wrong with the legislation that bothers us or cause social unrest. It is in fact, the implementation and how people think..

Getting tired~

It has been raining for few days now, the water level in Leith river raise instantly. I still have 4 more assignments to do..
9th of June would be the examination day!
not to forget..my birthday as well:D

I have to get some sleep..

I miss the old days~
But I know, I will never ever ever stand the chance of returning back..
what is available, is in front of me..

_ya Allah, permudahkanlah bagiku, untuk selalu teguh di jalan ini_
_sungguh, tak layak ke syurgaMa, tapi tak sanggup ke nerakaMu_

Are u matured?? (^?^)

I was facebooking when I suddenly heard a knock at the door. I knew who they were. I have been expecting their arrival, since 40 minutes ago. However, I also knew that Ja and Su were downstairs. I was caught with my computer and dissolve with it. After a while, I went down and greet our beloved guests. They are; Kak Azi (our usrah murabbi) and K.Tia. It was really chilly downstairs, so we went to my room for the usrah.

Kak Azi looked a little bit pale. I could see tiredness in her eyes. I did not look at Kak Tia, did not have the courage. I don't know why. We were listening intensely to Kak Azi's talk about life and its parts.

After some discussion and Q&A session. Kak Azi and K.Tia needed to rush back to Kak Tia house. I know, everyone was busy with assignment and that is what kak tia said. That she has assignment to do and they cant stay long. We bid our farewell and off they go. *be careful kakak2..thank you for everything* my heart whisper.

I made my way up to my room. reflecting back of what Kak Azi said about being matured.

_A little girl, a teacher, and a broken hairband_

girl: uuuu...uuu...
teacher: Why are you crying?
girl: My hairband is broken, my friends break them..sob..sob
teacher: never mind, I'll buy you a new one
girl: yay! okay!

next week, when the teacher came back to the school, the little girl was standing there infront of the gate. eager, waiting for her arrival with the hairband.

teacher: sorry, I forgot to bring your hairband
girl: its okay teacher, my mother was not angry anymore. I cried because I am afraid that my mom might get angry.
teacher: okay.. InsyaAllah, I'll bring it next week..

............................................

The little girl, being as innocent as she is and is not yet exposed to the temptation and obstacles in the wide, big world, was really preoccupied with the hair band. she even cried for it and regard it as a big matter to her.

Put yourself in the little girl's shoes. Will you be sad if your hairband's broken. I will say no. why? because.. You have money and you can just buy thousands of other hairband. Its a small matter to you, as a grown up, isnt it?

putting things in order of priority..

As we grow up, we discover a lot of things and come in contact with our environment even more often. Our social circle expand and our responsibility get even bigger. A lot of things have to be taken into consideration. study, exam, friend, family, date, marriage, fun, fashion, etc,ect. All these "big deal" has sort of covering our gaze and we started to put small matters beside.

this is maturity, when you come to place thing in an accurate and appropriate order. Allah has given us time to grow, mature and learn. Even in Islam, one will not be convicted with his or her sins if they have not reach puberty yet which in Islam is termed as "baligh". In the period of learning, we have to adapt as many as knowledge as we can and practice the five pillar of Islam and Iman and try to embed them in our daily life.

Check and recheck our priority. If we still cry over small-small things and get really preoccupied with unimportant matters. We have not fully grown up yet.

it takes courage to ask what you want, courage does not mean the absence of fear, but it is the willingness to strive, despite one's fear

Islam has underlined the range of muslim priorities; we have to take care of our relationship with our creater, and InsyaAllah, Allah will take care of the rest.

in surah Al-Ahzab, Allah said: if you steadfast and help Allah's deen, Allah will help you and strengthen your position.

my point is just..
- lets reflect what have we prioritize in life?
- Have we been an effective muslims all these while? or are we so dissolve with this temporary life (reminder to me and everyone)

...sungguh, tak layak keSyurgaNya, tapi tak sanggup kenerakaNya...
irhamna ya Allah...