Are u matured?? (^?^)

I was facebooking when I suddenly heard a knock at the door. I knew who they were. I have been expecting their arrival, since 40 minutes ago. However, I also knew that Ja and Su were downstairs. I was caught with my computer and dissolve with it. After a while, I went down and greet our beloved guests. They are; Kak Azi (our usrah murabbi) and K.Tia. It was really chilly downstairs, so we went to my room for the usrah.

Kak Azi looked a little bit pale. I could see tiredness in her eyes. I did not look at Kak Tia, did not have the courage. I don't know why. We were listening intensely to Kak Azi's talk about life and its parts.

After some discussion and Q&A session. Kak Azi and K.Tia needed to rush back to Kak Tia house. I know, everyone was busy with assignment and that is what kak tia said. That she has assignment to do and they cant stay long. We bid our farewell and off they go. *be careful kakak2..thank you for everything* my heart whisper.

I made my way up to my room. reflecting back of what Kak Azi said about being matured.

_A little girl, a teacher, and a broken hairband_

girl: uuuu...uuu...
teacher: Why are you crying?
girl: My hairband is broken, my friends break them..sob..sob
teacher: never mind, I'll buy you a new one
girl: yay! okay!

next week, when the teacher came back to the school, the little girl was standing there infront of the gate. eager, waiting for her arrival with the hairband.

teacher: sorry, I forgot to bring your hairband
girl: its okay teacher, my mother was not angry anymore. I cried because I am afraid that my mom might get angry.
teacher: okay.. InsyaAllah, I'll bring it next week..

............................................

The little girl, being as innocent as she is and is not yet exposed to the temptation and obstacles in the wide, big world, was really preoccupied with the hair band. she even cried for it and regard it as a big matter to her.

Put yourself in the little girl's shoes. Will you be sad if your hairband's broken. I will say no. why? because.. You have money and you can just buy thousands of other hairband. Its a small matter to you, as a grown up, isnt it?

putting things in order of priority..

As we grow up, we discover a lot of things and come in contact with our environment even more often. Our social circle expand and our responsibility get even bigger. A lot of things have to be taken into consideration. study, exam, friend, family, date, marriage, fun, fashion, etc,ect. All these "big deal" has sort of covering our gaze and we started to put small matters beside.

this is maturity, when you come to place thing in an accurate and appropriate order. Allah has given us time to grow, mature and learn. Even in Islam, one will not be convicted with his or her sins if they have not reach puberty yet which in Islam is termed as "baligh". In the period of learning, we have to adapt as many as knowledge as we can and practice the five pillar of Islam and Iman and try to embed them in our daily life.

Check and recheck our priority. If we still cry over small-small things and get really preoccupied with unimportant matters. We have not fully grown up yet.

it takes courage to ask what you want, courage does not mean the absence of fear, but it is the willingness to strive, despite one's fear

Islam has underlined the range of muslim priorities; we have to take care of our relationship with our creater, and InsyaAllah, Allah will take care of the rest.

in surah Al-Ahzab, Allah said: if you steadfast and help Allah's deen, Allah will help you and strengthen your position.

my point is just..
- lets reflect what have we prioritize in life?
- Have we been an effective muslims all these while? or are we so dissolve with this temporary life (reminder to me and everyone)

...sungguh, tak layak keSyurgaNya, tapi tak sanggup kenerakaNya...
irhamna ya Allah...

..a 5 minutes entry~

Yay! 3 done..5 to go~

It was a chilly afternoon. everyone was trying as best as they can to keep warm. I saw Sharon and Gill waving to us from afar. People were passing by and walking really fast. It was obvious, no one wants to stya outside in that, chilly, cold afternoon.

The situation was different to Kak Cua and I. We were sitting on a bench in front of the art room, enjoying our lunch. Kak Cua bought herself some hot chips and coffee. I had some homemade fries and mochacino(unsure hows the spelling is), for myself. we were'nt bothered by the cold weather. In fact, maybe it is due to the fact that, we dont have that luxury in Malaysia. Being a tropical country as it was and is, Malaysia is still the warmest place that my heart feel belonged to.

"Aini, it has been a while I did'nt listen to your joke, actually you are a funny person" Kak Cua said.

I was astonished to the term "funny person", instantly, the figure of juggling clown appear int he back of my head.

"Am I funny?" I said..

"yes you are!" Kak Cua sort of emphasizing her opinion.

feeling indignant, I rephrase what kak Cua said and try to make things clear about the part of my character of being funny. (I am sorry, that is just my nature..:) )

"well.. actually, I would say that I have a good sense of humor, but I am quite reserve that I only reveal that "sense of humor" in me with my close friends, those who don't know me would probably think that I am a kind of weirdo, silent kind of person".. I said, without taking any breath in between..

So, since Kak Cua already pointed it out. Maybe I should just have to make things clear and to reflect. This post is nothing actually.. I just want to put things in my mind into words, so I can see the letter dancing in both imagination and eyes.

I have to do English assignment now, and off to Regent Theater Hall for some "jalan2".

p/s: Kak Cua..having great time with you, wish that I have a sister-in-law like you. However, considering that both my brothers and yours are engaged, and our younger brother are not so old yet.. perhaps we could just keep the bond that way.. We'll be the sister-in-islam.

gotta go~

...to see, to think, and to remember...

It is the 20th of May 2010, I have been here in NZ, the land of dunia-deen (land of the deen) for about 4 months since. looking to the people and observing their culture here, I noticed a blatant distinctions as well as inevitable similarities.

Ever-since I was little, it has never come to me that, I am going to further my study far away from my homeland. I grew up in a small and simple community of mainly farmers and fishermans. I saw simplicity in life, and how my people keep so many things to themselves. We end the day just as the way we started it. But, we were happy then. That what matters in life, isn't it?. We inherited, from our ancestor a strong relationship and dependency with the land that we inhibited. We were rich, with our historical culture, beliefs, and norms. We were most richly blessed with the fertile land which uproots our dream to sustain our life.

It was not until, the rays of modernization started to peek into our life. We did not smell and sign that it was going to affect us as the way it did now. We were unaware to the fact that, if left uncontrolled, our life is never going to be the same anymore. I would not say that I am going against development. In fact, I regarded it as an essential part of living. Development serves as a measure for us to grow.

My childhood was, going to the school in the morning and listen to what teachers and friends have to say. My childhood was, temped by the laughter and screaming of friends playing baseball in the paddy field a stone throw from my house. My childhood was playing "pondok2 with Anong and Bida who happened to be our (my sister and I) worst enemy. My childhood was going to the masjid just beside our house to learn the holy Quran and get scolded by the elders for being noisy.

That was my childhood; the mean on how I have been nurtured until I become the person I am today. Sometimes, I lamented with the fact that, even though we shared the same experience, rare.. that we turned the same way. My childhood friends, some left school while they are still young. They were forced to mature earlier; they have to work, to make living for their family. I understand that kind of struggle. I saw it everyday, in Pa and Ma's faces.

Now, that I am here, in the place that is totally alien to my hometown. I often reminisce back to the past to reflect, to check and to evaluate, how I have been through life. Well.. what we can measure is just, how long have we traveled in this journey, not how far more that we have to go. No one ever know, until the moment of death come really really near.

I dislike when people being judgmental towards others. I acknowledge the fact that, everyone has something so say and it is just what they thought. But.. I dont know.. Why do we have to judge people and give them the characters that we though is resonance with them. I don't get it..

My childhood is now just a memory. I am getting a wee bit older now that I am starting to adopt pieces of cultural expectancy, instilling them within me and transferring myself to become a totally new being. In turn, I have started to omit my innocence. That is just part of it. I started to grow a dream. I dream of so many things. I am most richly blessed. To be given the change to life as a muslim. I am also given the opportunity to enhance my knowledge about Islam. I am blessed with loving families and friends.

I am blessed by the air, through trial and failure. Alhamdulillah..

Thank you for reading this. This is just my story about my past and how I come to learn and touch "life". You also have your own. cherish them, grow in them. This life is short, so, fill it with anything that is necessary only. All the best to you and I. We are most richly blessed.. Alhamdulillah!

kadang-kadang saya sedih bila fikir2 balik~

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim~

Subhanallah..Alhamdulillah..AllahuAkbar..

saya sayang kamu kerana Allah..
macamana ek nak define kerana Allah tu? maybe..
"sayang kamu sebab, kasih sayang dalam berukhuwah itu penting, dan semua umat islam bersaudara"

sayang kamu sebab, kamu dah jadi sebahagian dari hidup saya,..

kenapa sekarang sgt susah kita nak maintain the warmth of the friendhip?
kenapa we grow cold to each other?
kamu dah x kesah lagi psal saya?
erm..

xpe..xpe..
~saya sedar siapa saya..

yang penting, kamu gembira, bahagia, dan tenang di samping siapa kamu berada sekarang..
mungkin salah saya jugak, sebab selalu tak bagi komitment secukupnya untuk ukhuwah ini..

maafkan saya,
sebab xdapat jadi kawan yg baik untuk kamu..

Allah lebih tahu, siapa yang boleh jaga hati kamu, lebih baik dari saya..

kita pernah jadi sahabat baik,
dan saya gembira hidup dengan memori itu..
masa bergerak laju kan..
sampai kita tak sedar, masa jugak telah bring us far from each other..

saya sayang kamu kerana Allah..
cuma, saya letih, penat dan *gila2* sekarang..

maaf kalau kamu rasa sedih..
tapi, kalau kamu tak rasa sedih, lagi ok..

~jaga diri baik2..

_kerana_kau_sahabatku_dan_dijalanNya_ini_kita_bertemu_

*sigh* it has been a hectic week...

in the name of Allah, the most gracious and the most merciful..

Alhamdulillah..alhamdulillah..Alhamdulillah...


i have been so absorbed with my educational stuff these days. No fun at all eh? well.. It is actually fun. most importantly, i come to realize that, assignment, though painful makes my life even more meaningful. I feel alive and sort of "ecstatic" with the fact that, I am a fully functioning human being!!

eyes open... check!
mind working...check!
ears listening...check!
feet walking..check!
books..check!

so, whatca waiting for, lets break a leg!

i feel quite tense lately pertaining to the assignment due, however, there is always a light in the end of each tunnel, right?. so, I ahve reached the light in which, I have finished with some of my assignment.. this is the part, (after a thorough struggle and everything) that we leave everything for Allah's mercy and courtesy..

Allah also reminds us in the holy quran..

"after you finish doing one thing, maintain you effort in completing other things"

so, supposedly there should not be any issue of delaying, having fun or taking a long break. well.. to some extend, it is important to have some ress in between, but just make sure that the gap is not that long unito it could be considered as unnecessary as it may lead to "lagha things".

i still have 5 assignments waiting in the raw, so i cant missed out anything.
(i think this keypads are too noisy that the person sitting next to me, gave me a blank stare!)..sorry! sorry! i dont mean in to be this way.

I just have to say couple of things and I will stop (monologue) happy????

I actually have something really important to write, about what i have just read regarding Sabah. maybe I'll just write it in the next post because my housemate is already waiting for me.

few words to sum everything up..

"it takes difficulty for us to discover or greatest potential"
they may not emerge in the period of happiness.. likewise, "power rangers".. the heroes only unviel their super power when they have been through difficulty or their life is at risk..

so, dont complain.. If your tears keep on running down your cheek..
or your emotion turn to become a roller-coaster..

its perfectly fine!
really!

because in every single moment.. If..Just If, we try to humble our heart and lower our hearing.. God always whisper, His words of love to us.. In many different and unique way..

InsyaAllah..
I will find my way,
You will find you way too..

Cheers!

It is gained through perseverance, NOT miracle~

...
exhausted..my heart whispered..
I am suffocated..

When I tried to change something, for the first time, I finally realise, it is not an easy thing to do.

I tried to cover the hole that I have on this side, but other hole comes out.
I rushed to cover the new hole, but the hole that left unattended get even worst..

I go forth..
I go back..
I went to the left..
I run to the right..

Maybe, I am just not doing the right thing..
or maybe, I should stop doing this and reflect back on what I have done..
Yeah..Just maybe..

Or maybe, I should stop writing..

.....

Here I found myself..

"hatiku sekecil cawan, sesak dan menyesakkan"

Bila kasih sayang makin terhakis~

with the name of Allah, the most gracious and the most merciful~


"kasih manusia, sering bermusim,
sayang manusia, tiada abadi,
kasih Tuhan, tiada bertepi,
sayang Tuhan, janjinya pasti"

I initiate this post with this very heart-touching verse of Raihan song. This song is kinda special for me because it brings out its own meaning. There are memories in between the lines.

giving or leaving your hope to someone's shoulder is not the right thing to do, because if they fail you, you might get hurt. Humans are fallible, we are full of flaws and no one is perfect, therefore, leaving your heart to normal human being and left it unattended may cause you severe damage~

Allah is always the right one for us to turn to in every time. Putting your hope to Him will always promise you relief~

"tiap persandaran, hanya pada tuhan,
merasai cukup, hanya denganNya,
walau terasing, rasanya sama,
Tuhan sentiasa di dalam jiwa"

*sigh*

mungkin kasih dan sayang sudah semakin terhakis..kerana sudah lama ia tidak di baja dan di sirami dengan doa..
mungkin terlalu leka dengan dunia..hingga terlupa pada ukhuwah yang terbina
maaf~