after all this time

all of us are trying to fit into the society, we are all trying to be someone who is demanded by our environment, people around us, there are certain characteristics that we have to stick to, we can not just simply "be", there are rules and regulation that specifies the "be".. meaning to say, "life" is not "I" alone, life is made up of "YOU" and "I"..yup, "life" is made up of "we"..

but sometime, in our effort to become a person that is socially acceptable in the society that we dwell in, we tend to forget that, the "someone" whom we TRY to become is not really someone whom we WANT to become..

ok, i am not saying that, just follow our head, forget what people say and just be what you want, thief? beggar? rockstars? name it.. dont get me wrong,..

really, there are lots of things out there that do not seem to fit our mind, yet we have to accept it just the way it is, life does not promise us love and happiness all the time, in fact, tears and sorrow are the thing that one will get once he or she purchases 'life' ..it is thing that we can not runaway from..

back to the thing that i want to say,.
sometime, we tend to be hypocrite, in order to satisfy or please those around us, we opt to be someone that we dont like, we acquire this alien character that is totally not us, i am just pointing..

1. why cant we just be true about ourselves?
2. not to show our the mean side of us, but, to enjoy life without the feeling of restriction.
3. we often show the real us when we are in trouble, or real life situation, in a state of wanting something so badly.


maybe its a thing for us to ponder..

..cukuplah Allah bagiku..

...Allah pemberi cahaya kepada langit dan bumi, perumpamaan cahaya Allah adalah seperti lubang yang tak tembus yang di dalamnya ada pelita besar,pelita itu di dalam kaca dan kaca itu seakan bintang yang bercahaya seperti mutiara, yang dinyalakan dengan minyak dari pohon yang banyak barkahnya, yaitu pohon zaitun yang tumbuh disebelah timur dan bukan disebelah barat. yang minyaknya saja hampir-hampir menerangi walaupun tidak disentuh api. cahaya dI atas cahaya..ALLAH MEMBIMBING KE ARAH CAHAYANYA SESIAPA YANG DIA KEHENDAKI, DAN ALLAH MEMBUAT PERUMPAMAAN BAGI MANUSIA, DAN ALLAH MAHA MENGETAHUI..

Yang selalu ada di saat aku hampir putus harapan..

yang selalu menggembirakanku saat aku kesedihan..

yang selalu menemaniku saat aku keseorangan..

yang selalu ada..

ya Lathif..

ya Wahab..

irhamna ya ALLAh..
faghfirlana Ya ALLAH..

...thanks for the dinner..^-^

this night, we had our dinner in four points..
i was having fun with all the food of course,
to make the thing simple and clear..

guests: pengarah, madam angie, madam so, mr. sanjan..
food: a lot..dont know which one to mention
purpose: don know, maybe because, madam think we have to spend the money that debaters have won=p
venue: four points
agenda: eat..eat..eat!


i ate a lot.. i am full know, and its hard to sleep with my stomach full..

thats all, bukan la mau kasi jeles kan but..
ya, it was a nice gathering.

p/s: for riby,k.tia,k.cua,k.ateh..sorilah..saya xdapat tapau untuk kamu2 smua..
saya segan..huhu..memang xbley tapau pun sbenarnya, tapi..i was trying(sudalah..tido la bha..zzz) owh ya.. ok

(**,)

..izinkan aku pergi..

My mak said, once we have done something, and we thing we did not really give our best for it, just pandang depan..

but then, My Mak also said, i am a gud daughter..that, i have to know what to do..

as far as i can remember, i've always been the most lawak one in the family, i am not matured compared to my lil sis..but then, i am a garang kakak as well, it depends on situation..

i have a split personality kot, not that worst la, an intermediate one..

but, mak said its fine,.

one thing that i owez bear in mind is,

mak said like this..

when you start a new thing in your life, there will be no guarantee that everything will be just fine..
but then, its worth to try, you will never know what is there for you,
second time trial, is slightly harder than the first one,

but mak said that, i dont have to worry,,

Allah already knows my limit and ability..

that, i dont have to worry,.

ok,,

i wana slip..

Mak said..

she loves all her children..

so, even if,, sometime,. i feel..alone..

its not true,

i have Allah,
my family,
frens,


and its enough for me,.,

Alhamdulillah...
^-^

THINGS THAT WE MISS

i am going to be 19, it is so sayang to leave this "teen" years actually, but what to do also, we can not hold the time back, once it say, its tyme to board, there you go, aa..the topic, actually o dont know whether this is related or not, but maybe this is somehting for us to consider,
the first day i move out form my previous room which i have stayed there for 2 years,
i felt so so sad..sadness that i cant bear alone, i even thought of moving in back..

the room that i stay now is situated in the 3rd floor,
considering that i have to walk extra two floors to reach my new room, my tears even run faster.. i was thinking that if i din stop crying, my eyeballs may have pop out..
another thing, i have just change my table's cover..with some wrapping paper that is really cute!! i tell u..huhu..

but, the most important thing is, i will surely miss the environment, the atmosphere, the people and friendly figure there..

i will surely miss..

Ja calling me for late night tea..
Sue teasing me about taking hot water from their room..

i will surely miss..

Fatin's little Bu..a cow that i adore..
Atie's giggle..

i will surely miss..
Nasira's not so sweet voice,
Wani's song along the corridor..

i will surely miss, zatul, azrin, kak Ateh, and everyone..

not to forget.. i will also miss the ironing room, the toilet and everything..

but, i cant be this weak! i have to grow strong, there is something behind all these that i have yet to discover..
i have to make my mind clear, that, there is a reason for everything..
God communicates HIS love through various ways..
i just have to believe that, Yeah! this is the best for me..

i tried hard to make my mind clear,
i cant hold my tears, i cried during science test,
i was so,, i dont know., just sad

but one thing happened,
it was raining cat and dog,
i was afraid.,the rumor is true, people of the third floor often face the extreme weather..huhu..
then, there was a knock on the door..
Kak cua!
another knock..
Riby
forget to say, Ati is already there by that time..

we had a chat,okayla.. to be frank..
a tumbler of tea..
several container of biscuits..
two packets of PAMA..
and Riby's punya adik muvi,
i was having fun..
really happy at that time..

^-^

ya..things are not as bad as they seem..

live and let it be..

i love my room now,
i have more space, i can also see a very nice view from my window..
and most importantly,
i learn to appreciate more the things that i often miss..
insyaAllah..i will try to be more patient and mature next time..
uhu..ya la.. in fact, i have no other choice what..

ITS TIME TO BOARD!

P/S: for you,
a person that i regard as the best friend,
always there for support, telling me Allah's words and remind me to be patient..
Thank you so so much.. for everything, may Allah bless you always..^-^

i am so sorry(T.T)

i understand that i annoy you guys sumtime,
but, i never really mean so,
i cant just help it sometime,
i wanna apologize to all my friends out there..

having you guys in my life, is a blessing..

there are something about ourselves that we might not like..
nevertheless, most of the time, we just can not resist it,
no one in this world is perfect, in fact,
i often think that, being fallible creates an inner strength in humans..
in which, it creates a feeling of, hoping, relying and love towards the most Eternal..

lately,
i notice that, something has really changed in me, somehow..
i cant help it,
i am very333 sorry to those who get affected by this,
but, i will try my best to cope with it..

please, give me some times, space and..
understanding,

i am so sorry..
i never want it to be this way,
sorry for making things hard,
sorry for making things complicated..
given a chance, i wanna be better..
but,
its hard..

maybe i just need some time..
in fact,
i wanna be the most happiest women..
insyaALLah..
^-^

muhasabah cintaku

Muhasabah Cinta
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